this is the third christmas that i am not in the holiday spirit at all. i used to adore this time of year. i usually love pulling out decorations, ornaments, lights, memories from the past… but i just don’t care anymore. i wouldn’t say i’m a scrooge about it. i don’t hate the holidays. honestly i thought by now i would enjoy it again but i just can’t seem to get with it.i hate that.
so this is the third year that i have played this brandi carlile song over and over BUT! this is the first year that the lyrics jump out and just speaks to me. in many ways i feel like maybe i should just make a deal with god, i mean after everything i’ve been through the past 2 and a half years i’m at the end of my rope and i sometimes feel like i have given all that i’ve got. there isn’t anything left to give!
i know it sucks to read about how someone just basically wants to give up and they are so disappointed in themselves, and i know it’s easy to just say “then do something about it! change what you don’t like” and i want to shake my fist at you and just say “you have no idea how HARD it is to change what i don’t like! seriously… no idea.”
on a brighter note. i started running at the begining of december. december 1st to be exact. i find it almost intoxicating. i love how i feel after i’m done with just a 25 minute run. i should have started this long ago.
p.s.
how do i make my tumblr have a comments section?
